July 8, 2012
Step 1: Don't read the menu. Don't even look at the pictures. Ignore the giant laminated piece of paper that has been given specifically to you for this purpose.
Step 2: Order a random item with an interesting sounding name. Only now should you look at the menu. Ask for the items that distinguish your item from any other item (in the world) to be removed.
Step 3: When your innocent server brings you your ill-conceived meal, feel shock and horror at the appearance of cheese on your item. Swear that the cheese-- this foreign, unwanted object-- was not listed under the item's description. (It was.)
Step 4: Look at your companion's meal and decide, on the spot, that this is what you truly wanted all along. Ask if your server can get you that instead. Don't worry, you're not inconveniencing her at all.
Step 5: When she brings you back your new meal, be thankful but not overly so. This happens all day every day, and it was the least she could do. It's not like she had anything else to do anyway.
Step 6: Get out. Please. Just get out. To make this direction more understandable for the literally impaired: GTFO.
That is all.
These dirty plates aren't the only thing that's a hot mess. #servergirlstruggz
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