#firstworkpains -- The Divine Fax Machine

      When I'm not afflicted by #servergirlstruggz, it's probably because I'm at my other job. I do clerical work at a local veterinary clinic, which is how I found myself at the mercy of a fax machine and a Christian radio station. (No offense to anyone who is Christian or enjoys Christian radio stations; they're just not my thing. They're somebody's thing, just not mine.) The fax machine and I were doing a bit. I was the straight man, innocently feeding my papers into its holder, and it was the funny man, employing physical comedy every time it spit out my earnest attempts at mid-90s communication.
      I must have been on my fourth or fifth attempt with the same paper when I heard it. It was soft and slow at first, but clearly began to crescendo. The sound was coming from one of the two cubicles on either side of the fax machine. I was immediately taken aback by...singing. One of the women working in the cubicles was singing along to what I guessed was one of her favorite Christian songs. Honestly, I felt super awkward just standing there while she professed her love for Jesus via sing along. However, I respected her right to her faith and her music, and pretended that I wasn't there to witness such a personal moment.
       I thought that was the end of this spirit session, until the other woman began singing as well. There was no communication between the two to start a choir right in the middle of the office. They both just started singing to themselves. I guess that this says something nice about faith, but I just felt trapped in some awkwardly religious episode of The Twilight Zone. To make matters worse, the fax machine still wasn't working.
      That's when it dawned on me. The fax machine was God, punishing me for my numerous (although super fun and hilarious) sins. This was my personal version of Hell, and the fax machine knew it. I was sucker punched--oof-- right in the lack of morals! Luckily for me, my visit to the seventh circle of hell was quickly ended by my need to rush off to my second job. In comparison to the religious rock out, #servergirlstruggz seemed almost routine. Speaking of which, my next post is coming soon, explaining the way cherries can turn any unsuspecting server into a serial killer.